What's a Soul Mate? 09/01/2010
I think of Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, as one of my soul mates. Her hilarious heart and tales of discovering herself resonated with me so much so, that I thought she wrote the book just for me. Apparently, a couple other people felt that way. The book came into my life and sparked the woman in me that could be independent and soft, smart and charming, wise and unpretentious. You can consider me one of the “lizbians.” In Gilbert’s world, yes, that would make her a soul mate. She writes, “People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.” Gilbert makes an interesting case. When did I start defining my soul mate as the end all one-stop shop for all my power and discovery and happiness and when did my soul mate start looking like one man? I’ve told a couple girlfriends they were my soul mate at one point or another in my life but not lately. When did that stop? Perhaps, when I got into my relationship. Where did I get the idea that I could only have one soul mate? Perhaps, in fifth grade when you had to have one “best friend” with all the charm bracelets and notes to prove it or from all the movies that show there is one prince charming who makes your dreams come true. I’m letting go of my old definition and taking on Gilbert’s moving forward. In Brida, Paulo Coelho writes that to know who your soul mate is, you have to take risks. I agree. Being a mirror and looking into another mirror is intimate. You face someone seeing a side of you that you usually hide or rejection of your vulnerability or intense love that is difficult to take all the way in. We have opportunities to take a risk every day but I wonder how often we take them. Sometimes, that risk is stepping up to hear some honest feedback from your boss, or telling your girlfriends you don’t want to talk about calories anymore, or voicing to your partner precisely how you want to be touched when you’re having a horrible day. A couple months ago, I got a phone call from one of my best childhood friends and she was pissed off and deeply hurt with the way that our relationship had felt lately. The phone call felt awful but I didn’t hang up the phone. We walked in the woods a week later and agreed on how we wanted to relate. Afterward, I cleaned up several other friendships. Her calling it like she saw it started a domino effect of me becoming more and more connected to the people that I love which created more soul mate potential! Often times, we wouldn’t choose the people who show up to be our best friends, our partners in crime, our soul mates. Some of mine are a little too brash, buddhist, sexual, fearless, weird, nerdy, and egotistical for my usual liking but I continue to invite them in because they see me, they accept me, and they encourage me to keep going and plus you can’t have too many people around that will hold you to a higher standard than the rest of the world that might settle for the mediocre version of you. Thank you for the odd experiences, the new faces, the deep friendships, the willing clients, and for vulnerability of all shapes and sizes. With love, LC CommentsLeave a Reply |
